Courtesy of a member of TA, (former evangelical, now atheist):
- Bigger is not always better. (David vs. Goliath)
- If you’re going to get somebody else’s wife pregnant, you’d better be God. (Matt. 1 “Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.”)
- Gay people and people who leave their house on Saturday should be killed as slowly and painfully as possible. Also, children who are really annoying. (Leviticus)
- Never let a virgin go to waste. (Numbers 31:17-18 “Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves”)
- Women just need to shut their mouths and stop asking questions. (Paul)
- When you beat your slave, don’t go all the way and kill him. That’s just mean. And a waste of money. (Exodus)
- Accuracy is not really all that important. Imagination is. (Genesis-Revelation)
- God coined the expression, “Eat shit.” (Ezekiel 4: “And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.”)
- Stay away from women on their period. (Leviticus)
- Never, ever forgive someone until you have murdered another someone in a bloody rage to take out your anger and show everybody just how pissed off you are. If the offender still doesn’t realize how angry you are even after your going apeshit, just set them on fire. Forever. That’ll show ‘em. (God)
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