The Answers to the Whys

Guest poster Libby is a Tacoma Atheists member.

I grew up in an extremely religious home, attended an ultra conservative school and college, worked in the ministry for several years, and now I’m an atheist. Why? I hear this question from almost every person who find out that I no longer believe like I used to. And here are several examples of their reasons: I am angry or hurt. I am running away from their god. I just want to do my own thing. Something horrible happened. I’ve never had a close walk with their god like they do. I’m demon-possessed. And my favorite – I know deep inside that THEY are right. All these statements are 100% wrong. And this note is to explain my reasons for this drastic ‘change of mind’.

For as long as I can remember I’ve gone to a church, heard the bible stories, read the bible and prayed, and participated fully in all of the church functions, always believing that I was doing the right thing. I never questioned. I never wondered. I never for a second considered that what I believed could be anything but 100% true. I always considered myself very fortunate(or blessed) to be one of the few who knew the truth! Not the Muslims, not the Jehovah’s witnesses, the Mormons, the Buddhists, but ME! How arrogant I was!

Then one day I was faced with the possibility that I could have been misled, that everything I’ve known and loved for all of my life thus far could perhaps be wrong. This was the very first step to seeing things with an open mind, without preconceived ideas, and without having already made up my mind.

First it was the bible. I had never for a minute doubted the bible. I always believed (assumed) that it was the inerrant word of a god. I dismissed any claims of contradictions and inaccuracy. Of course I wasn’t exposed to much of it since I was told to never read anything that was not written by like-minded people. When I finally opened my eyes and read the bible for what it was, I found that there were errors. There were contradictions. There were barbarisms that I had just simply dismissed before.The bible no longer seemed like the perfect word of a god, but a collection of stories, myths, and history from ancient people. A simple google search would be all that it would take to find the contradictions and irregularities. Of course the biblical scholars try to explain them all away, but sometimes the simplest answer is the best answer. The bible is an ancient religious writings of the people who lived 2-3000 years ago. There’s wisdom there to be found, just like any other ancient texts, and there are also errors, mythology, and ancient customs like other ancient texts.

So there went the bible, and I no longer had a leg to stand on. After all, in the sect that I grew up, the bible was the ultimate authority. When that authority fell, everything was up for questions and scrutiny.

Next in question was prayer. All the answers to prayers that I’ve gotten through the years. All the ‘miracles’ that I’ve seen. All the countless hours I’ve spent on my knees or walking in the woods at college talking to this god. All the times I’ve ‘felt’ his presence. They all came to be nothing but my imagination. There were no miracles. Only coincidences. There were no answers to prayer because he didn’t need to answer anything. If everything turned out the way I wanted it to, then this god answered my prayers. If it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, then it wasn’t his will. He couldn’t possibly go wrong! Then of course I realized that we NEVER pray for things that only a GOD would be able to do.

We pray for the car to start, not for a flat tire to re-inflate itself. We pray for the cancer to go to remission, not for the amputee’s leg to grow back. All the times I thought I felt his presence, I realized it was my wishful imagination. I also realized that there was no holy spirit guiding me. It seemed odd that so many christians, claiming to be inspired by the holy spirit, can’t even agree on simple biblical doctrines. If the holy spirit was real, he was definitely doing a poor job of communicating with his followers.

So there’s no god. Then how did we get here? Why are we here? Someone had to create us, after all, everything we see has an origin some place, a creator, a designer. Then it was science’s turn to enlighten me. I, having grown up in church all my life, believed that the earth was 6000 years old, almost everything was destroyed in Noah’s flood, and evolution is nothing but lies of the devil. Scientists all over the world would laugh at me for believing that. The proof of the earth’s billions of years of history is everywhere. There’s no evidence whatsoever of a world-wide flood, and evolution is accepted by most scientists as a fact.

The proofs are everywhere when I opened my eyes & looked at it, instead of completely dismissing it before I even looked at the evidences. So there went my need for a creator. Science can explain why and how we got here without there needing to be an all-powerful god. And if there was a god, how did HE get here anyways? Who created him?

This was the death of my faith in the god of the bible. There was no tragic event in my life that caused me to be bitter or angry toward this god. There was no selfish desire to do my own thing. I was not running away from this god because he does not exist. I had ‘felt’ this god’s presence, like a person might ‘feel’ the presence of ghosts or evil spirits, all a product of the imagination. And I know deep inside that I AM right because I did not come to this conclusion by having been brain-washed, but by examining the evidences and coming to the inevitable conclusion. I did not choose to become an atheist. It was just an outcome of my search for truth.

I really hope this clarifies some of the whys that you may ask. This has been a very tough year for me, basically starting my life all over again. There have been some friends who simply stopped talking to me because of my ‘change’. But I’ve also made many new friends who accepted me for who I am and gave me tremendous support. I realize now more than ever how precious my life is. It has become much more important that I live this life the best way I know how, enjoying my family and friends, helping others, making this world a better place, and living life to its fullest!

Thank you for taking the time to read this. If there are still more questions, please feel free to ask!